dingka 同主题作文练习贴~~~为二战加油！

英语学习背景： 多年的英语学习业余爱好者，一直觉得自己英语“挺好的”，刚被一战成绩深深挫败。 那些年裸考过的考试： 四六级就不说了，太老黄历 2008年toefl ibt 94， 其中写作19…… GRE一战2015.5.10似乎是多年来唯一准备过的英语考试，一战成绩只有152+163+3。 授权声明： 本人为寄托ID dingka的持有人，现通过本论坛参与tesolchina的GRE写作研究，在这里授权tesolchina和hj1313的ID持有人使用本人的所有习作及互改记录做教学与科研用途。 下次考G时间： 二战9.6 目标157+168+4 目录帖留楼 35楼 6-25 issue 133提纲 未评 32楼 6-24 argument全文 128 已评 31楼 6-23 issue 49提纲 已评 29楼 6-22 issue 59 提纲 已评 28楼 6-19 argument 84 全文 已评 27楼 6-18 issue115 全文 未评 26楼 6-17 argument 28 全文 已评 25楼 6-15 issue65 全文 已评 24楼 6-12 argument 28 全文 已评 23楼 6-11 issue33 全文 已评 Jun 9th Argument 78 没写 Jun 8th Issue 113 22楼 给定思路写提纲 Jun 5th 第二周小结 Jun 4th Argument 14 21楼 没做 Jun 3rd Issue 62 18楼 Jun 2nd Argument 1 16楼 Jun 1st Issue 7 May 29th 第一周小结 May 28th Argument 71 6楼 May 27th issue 13 提纲练习，老师已点评 自己已修改 5楼 May 26th Argument 32 提纲练习 网友、老师已点评 自己已修改 3楼 May 25th Issue 15 老师已批改 自己已修改 这是一篇之前写过全文的，拿出来用模板改了改。 May 27th Issue 13 练习帖 May 26th Argument 32 练习帖 May 25th Issue 15 练习帖 15) Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position. Education is essential for youngsters who are going to step into job markets, and the curriculum they choose during college are germane to their future career. However, it is not justified for educational institutions to encourage students to choose their fields of studies according to the availability of lucrative jobs for varies reasons: Such choices, without a students’ real passion and capabilities in the field they choose, are not guarantee of a future career; the availability of popular jobs may change over time; one of the important mission of education is to select talents with expertise for every industry, not only for those lucrative ones. germane 这个词我不会用 不知道你用的对不对 风险自负 varies ？ 你的回应挑战呢？ be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position. 用冒号引出并列的point是很赞的 可以考虑加序号和分号 Firstly, studying in a certain field is not a guarantee of getting jobs in this area. If a student in lack of basic qualities required in some subject, for example, a student in lack of mathematical skills, chooses to enroll in a financing related program, just because jobs on stock markets and insurance companies are plenty and lubricative, he or she may not be able to finish the study, let alone to achieve his/her primary target, which is to get a popular job. 这里提出lack of basic qualities感觉不是很合适 你可以说 lucrative career往往都竞争激烈 未必由职位 毕竟大学是可以提供相关训练的 你也可以说 学生可能学不好 总之这段太单薄 展开的支持不给力 Secondly, availability of jobs may change even over a period as short as four years. Requirements of talents in an industry which have taken in a lot of fresh blood in the past few years may decline. Take internet industry for instance, in its early years of booming, a great amount of practitioners are needed, hence many colleges expanded their programs related to computer science and internet. However, in a few years, bubbles bursted, and many graduates found it very hard to find jobs in internet industry. Therefore, judging a field of study can't be based on the availability of jobs in a certain moment. 这个point不错 展开也挺好 Last but not least, one of the major missions for education institutions is to select students with passion and talents in every fields, regardless of lucrativeness, and make them into pioneers such as researchers, scholars, and scientists. For example, archeology has never been considered as a major that will lead to jobs as lucrative as those in financing industry. However, a student with highly potentials in this area must not abandon his/her passion simply because it is hard to get high income jobs. Otherwise, a great archeologist to-be might just end up becoming a mediocre businessman. Therefore, it is very important for student to choose majors according to their own interest, skills, and qualities. 最后一句应该放到开头 这段应该回应challenge To sum up, when choosing their fields of study, availability of jobs in a certain industry is an important reference, however, to fully explore one's potential, college student must refer to many other aspects, including their interest, capability, etc. =======================修改版============================== 黑体部分为重写的。 Education is essential for youngsters who are going to step into job markets, and the curriculum they choose during college are important to their future career. However, it is not justified for educational institutions to encourage students to choose their fields of studies according to the availability of lucrative jobs for several reasons: Such choices, without a students’ real passion and capabilities in the field they choose, are not guarantee of a future career; even though some student may not have a clear mind of choosing majors, the univeristy should provide guidance for them to choose the field of study according to their conditions, not according to the lucrativeness of jobs in the fields. Firstly, studying in a certain field is not a guarantee of getting jobs in this area, hence unversities' encouraging students choosing certain fields may not lead to their intended results. Lucrative jobs are generally competitive and simply studying in a certain field does not mean one can master the knowledge and skills required in the career. For example, if a student enrolled in a financing related program, just because jobs on stock markets and insurance companies lubricative, even after four years of study, he or she may not be qualified to get a lucrative job. Secondly, availability of jobs may change even over a period as short as four years. Requirements of talents in an industry which have taken in a lot of fresh blood in the past few years may decline. Take internet industry for instance, in its early years of booming, a great amount of practitioners are needed, hence many colleges expanded their programs related to computer science and internet. However, in a few years, bubbles bursted, and many graduates found it very hard to find jobs in internet industry. Therefore, judging a field of study can't be based on the availability of jobs in a certain moment. 认真的想了下回应address chanllenge 改怎么写，此为练习一 Some may argue that a number of student, due to lack of experience, do not have a specific interest or firm decision on which field of study to choose, and the unviersity should provide some guidance on choosing majors. Even this may be true, the university should provide guidance for student to choose the field of study according to their conditions, not according to the lucrativeness of jobs in the fields. One of the major missions for education institutions is to cultivate talents in every fields, regardless of lucrativeness. For example, archeology has never been considered as a major that will lead to jobs as lucrative as those in financing industry. However, a student with highly potentials in this area might need the universities guidance to find his/her real passion. If only encouragement on lucrative jobs are provided, a great archeologist to-be might just end up becoming a mediocre businessman. Therefore, it is very important for universities to provide extensive encouragement for students who are seeking guidance on choosing fields of studies.To sum up, when choosing their fields of study, availability of jobs in a certain industry is an important reference, however, to fully explore one's potential, college student must refer to many other aspects, including their interest, capability, etc. =============================2015-7-13================================= 2015年7月13日再写一遍。 练习要求是限时，用王老师思路。 I strongly don't agree with the claim that school and universities should lead student into fields of studies that will prepare them for lucrative jobs, based on two reasons: First, studying in a certain field is not a guarantee to get high-income jobs; second, students who are swayed by their schools to choose some fields but doesn't have interested in them may not end up doing well in their studies and careers. Although one may argue that such policy would help education institutions to build a high-income alumni and to get more donation, but in reality persuading student into certain fields of study would not necessarily benefit the institutions in this way. strongly don't agree with 表达有问题 have interested in 搭配 build a high-income alumni 搭配 Above all, it takes more than studying heard to ensure one's achieving success in getting a lucrative career, such as personality, communication skills and even luck. When hiring new employees, companies will take a lot more into accounts than academic achievements. Maybe studying in financing will provide some basic qualification for a student during a job interview in a investing bank providing generous salary. However, he or she might be turned down by the employer because of his deficiency in taking pressures or communicating with the team member. Therefore, educational institution’s effort of "preparing students"might only be a job half done. studying heard 笔误 - 题目是field of study 你这里回应题目做得不够准确 such as前面呼应的什么 总的来说写的挺好 语言表达不错 Moreover, if a student takes a field of study simply because of his pursuit for high-income jobs, other than genuine interests, he may not do well in the studies. Students who choose a major without considerate thinking might find it difficulty to finish the program because he doesn't have passion in it at all. Even for those who managed to finish his academic studies and get a job, they may found himself trapped in a job he doesn't interested in at all and will not succeed because of the negative emotions. without considerate thinking 不懂你的意思 find it difficult（y） may found语法 doesn't interested语法 One may argue that persuading students to choose majors that could lead to lucrative jobs is a way for the universities to take in high-income alumni and more donations. However, such intentions may not be successful. Students who took a certain field of studies as the institution wished do not necessary achieve success because of lack of interest or other capabilities required by the lucrative jobs. Even for those who get rich through the guidance of the institution, they may hold grudge that the school deprived their real passion and will hesitate when giving a donation. take in high-income alumni搭配 intentions may not be successful 搭配 All in all, based on the reasons given above, encouraging students into certain fields of studies that will prepare them for lucrative jobs may not be a good idea. do not necessary achieve - may not necessarily as the institution wished 表达 deprived their real passion 搭配 when considering donating money 主要集中在语言表达问题